The Conman, the Farmergirl, and a lotta apples
by 1angelette
Summary: This is a story. More specifically, the ninechapter romanticcomedy epic about how ChelseaClaire is Compatible with Won, who is Actually Eligible in that game. Yeah. And it's short. And funny.
1. They meet the first three apples

Okay, I know how short these chapters are, but cut me some slack. I mean, this was written on Ushi No Tane. You have to cut slack if it was born on a forum.

Chapter One: They meet over the first three apples, or "Punches from blondes HURT"

When Won looked back, he'd decide that it was probably Zack's fault. After all, it was Zack that told him some farmer-girl had moved into the heap of rocks and weeds euphamisticallly called a "farm", and that said farmer was, quote, "pretty hot!". So, Zack was why Won was standing in front of her door at six in the morning.   
And then the girl opened the door. Oooh, she was a blonde, that was good! If he didn't focus on how killer her blue eyes were or how all of her curves were in the right places, he might actually make the sale!  
"Hello there, Claire, I'm Won the travelling salesman, and I have three very special apples here with me today! This one." He brandished an apple, "Is a Super Ultra Delicious Good Wonderful Apple! And this," He brandished another, "Is a Hyper Miracle Gorgeous Special Beautiful Apple! And this," He bradished a third, "Is an Angel Eternal Pure Fresh Elegant Apple. They're your's for the spectacular price of 500G! So? Which will it be?" There was a moment of silence, as the girl blinked, and then hit him on the side of the head with all of her strength.  
"OW! What the hell was that for?" Won held his cheek in pain.  
"My name is Chelsea, you just brandished three apples in my face, 500G is an inordinate amount for an apple, and you were clearly assuming that I lacked intelligence due to the color of my hair." Chelsea side-stepped him and walked to the field. Won sighed and paced slowly away...  
"Hyper Miracle Gorgeous Special Beautiful, please!" Won suddenly felt a sack of gold in his pocket and an apple out of his basket gone.   
"Mmmm, they are good!" Won stared as Chelsea began to devour the apple.  
_Will I ever understand women? _


	2. The Vase, or Why the hell did I buy that

Chapter Two: The Vase, or "Why the hell did I buy that overpriced piece of plastic?"

This time, Won standing in front of Chelsea's door wasn't Zack's fault.  
Today, it was because Chelsea had been giving him gold every day for the past two weeks. Really, gold! Man, she might be weird, but it was definitely good for him. So, Won figured, if she was giving him free stuff, she must think that he was a pretty cool guy. And if she thought he was a pretty cool guy, by association, all the stuff he sold must be pretty cool. Therefore, she would probably buy an overpriced piece of plastic if he sold it to her.  
Right?  
Either way, there he was at six in the morning again, holding the vase, as Chelsea opened the door.  
"Okay, you're here again? Look, Kai, I DO NOT CARE THAT YOUR FLIPPING BEACH SHACK OPE- Oh, it's you. Hey!"  
Won blinked slowly, before he remembered that he was here to sell a vase, _not_ to notice that it was raining and there wasn't a roof sticking out over the doorway, which got Chelsea all nice and wet...  
Anyway. NOT why he was there. Ahem.  
"Hello again, Chelsea. Today I, Won the travelling salesman, offer you another of my amazing wares! This vase," he continued, as he held up the vase, being sure that he was not brandishing it in her face, "is an ancient Korean prunus vase from the Li-zou dynasty. Incredibly rare, and made of the elegant Celadon clay! 5000G is incredibly little for such a jewel!" There was another silence again, before Chelsea burst out laughing. Between guffaws, she managed,  
"You think... I'll believe... _that_ is a prunus celadon vase? Don't you know that Prunus vases are symmetrical, and celadon has the radiance of Jade and clarity of water, not the color of snow! HAHAHA!" Won looked annoyed as this kind of abuse continued for another two minutes.   
"Anyway, despite all that, it's still a nice vase, but 5000G? Totally insane. 2000 on a NICE day..."  
"4000." Won countered.  
"2500."  
"3000."  
"2750."   
"2875."  
"50."  
"Seven- FIFTY?"   
"50."  
"No freaking way."  
"50!"   
"No."  
"50!"  
"No!"  
"**50**!"   
"NO!"  
"50?" Chelsea looked at him with puppy eyes.  
And that was why he was suddenly vase-less, without the usual satisfying clink of money in his pocket. But _god_, were those puppy eyes!


	3. The Selling Feature, or filler

Chapter Three: The Selling Feature, or a nice moment of friendship and foreshadowing 

For once, what happened didn't have anything to do with Chelsea's hotness, or the small fact that she was giving him gold.   
(Okay, maybe it was because she was giving him gold, but he wasn't about to admit that.)  
Anyway, what it was really about was a moment in time.  
Years later, he would have told people that he could remember the exact day, hour, minute, and second that he'd realized it. He knew the millisecond too, but that would've creeped people out.  
(It was millisecond three hundred and forty-six.)  
It had all started three and a half weeks ago, after Chelsea bought the vase. Things had settled into a bit of a routine; she gave him some gold, sat on the barrel, and they would talk.  
At first, the conversation had been as innocent as her saying,  
"It's a nice day today, isn't it?" and his reply of,  
"Yeah."  
Then, a few days later, it grew to,  
"Do you think it'll rain tomorrow, Chelsea?"  
"Nope, the weathergirl said it wouldn't!"   
After that, the next week it had grown to,  
"The weathergirl looks like she's had too much plastic surgery."  
"I'm beginning to think that she's from another planet…"  
And so on, and so on, and so on, until today, when Chelsea went in and sat on the barrel, and Won realized that he enjoyed her company.  
Cue millisecond three hundred and forty-six, when Won realized it was a damn good thing he enjoyed Chelsea's company, because she probably wasn't leaving.  
This kinda thing is generally something that most males think requires some kind of ceremony. You know, he gives her his hat, or a broach, or something like that.  
But, unfortunately, Won didn't have a hat or a broach or a mountain flower necklace or a lucky charm.  
"Say, Chelse?"  
"Yeah?" Said girl looked at him, big blue eyes underneath eyelids batting deep black eyelashes.  
"Maybe you'd like it if I bought your stuff. It's not rocket science, just stand in front of the counter holding it; I give you a price. Okay?"  
Hey, he wasn't exactly James Bond. But was she… disappointed?  
"Oh, great! I've got this Golden Lumber sitting around…" She took a piece of Golden Lumber out of her rucksack.  
".…..," Won's eyes bugged out. Chelsea didn't know how rare Golden Lumber was. About six farmers in the history of Mineral Town ever got it.  
(There had only been seven farmers in the history of Mineral Town, counting Chelsea, but Won didn't know that.)  
Well, does Won have the ego to buy it from her for cheap? Let's see… Nope.  
"50000G."   
"Deal!" They shook hands, and Chelsea gave him the lumber as he gave her the gold, then she went off, for some reason pumping her fist in the air…

Elsewhere…  
"Hi, Chelsea!"  
"Hey, Popuri."  
"Ooh, you've got an issue of Cosmo?"  
"Not yours!"  
"Yes mine!"  
"…"  
"…"  
"Cosmo… let's see, Top 10 Ways to determine that you've won the heart of a conman?"  
"Um… Not yours!"  
"Yes, mine! Anyway, Number One: You manage to steal his vase or other expensive item from him for $50 or less. Hey… how much did you get that vase of yours for?"  
"Um…"  
"Anyway, Number Two: He lets you bribe him with gold and sit on his barrel and talk. Come to think of it, you've been doing a lot of mining lately, haven't you, Chelse?"   
"Um… for exercise purposes!"  
"Whatever… Number Three: He actually doesn't have the balls to buy something off of you for way less than what's it's worth… Hey, the first three have checkmarks by them!"  
"MINE!"  
"Hey, Chelse, where are you going? Come back! I didn't get to read out loud Number Four: He hits on some hot chick and you get mad!" 


	4. Golden Service Time, or Proof of Won and

Chapter Four: Golden Service Time, or how Karen managed to prove to Won that Chelsea liked him

What happened on Autumn 4th had absolutely nothing to do with gold, Chelsea's doorstep, or a millisecond.   
(Seriously, she'd stopped giving him gold. The falling autumn leaves brought apples that Chelsea seemed to love giving him.)   
Today, it was about the hot girl that was inside Won's shop. And, surprisingly, it wasn't Chelsea.  
Specifically, it was Karen.  
Karen, that chick who was the only girl in town that could possibly beat Chelsea in a beauty contest.  
Karen, Rick's girlfriend, for reasons that she herself didn't know.  
Karen, the girl with a reputation for being attracted to every eligible male excepting Rick. And Doctor. And Cliff. Okay, she had a reputation for being attracted to Kai and Gray. But still!  
Oh, yeah, that Karen.   
This was why Chelsea was mad- okay, royally pissed- when she entered Won's shop to see Karen talking to Won.  
"Ooh, you think I'm pretty, Won?"  
"A man would have to be half-wolf not to think that."  
"Really…."  
"Today is Golden Service Time! Take one item, absolutely free of charge!"  
"Okay, I'll take… that one." Karen picked up a small bracelet and walked out of the shop. Zack stepped forward.  
"Hey, ol' friend, I think I'll have an apple?"  
"Golden Service Time is over."  
"Oh… okay…" Zack looked hurt. "I have to go check your shipping bin, anyway, Chelsea. See you, Won." Zack left the house, as Chelsea glared at Won. After an eternity or three, he noticed.  
"What? It's part of the sales pitch."  
"I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!"  
"We… do…"  
"THEN WHY AREN'T I PRETTY ENOUGH FOR GOLDEN SERVICE TIME?"  
"You are, you are!" Won sweatdropped. "You can have any one item you want, absolutely free." Chelsea seemed to calm down.  
"Okay, I know what I want…" Won sweatdropped.  
Oh, no! What if she wants the Jewel of Truth? That's my most expens-  
That was as far as he got before he felt Chelsea's lips on his.  
"There. I've got what I want…" Chelsea winked and exited the shop as Won just stood there.  
What. The. HELL?

Later inside Chelsea's house…  
"Ooh, hi Chelse! I see you're checking off something in Cosmo again…"  
"POPURI! What the hell are you doing here?"  
"Just looking atchya checking off Number Four in the Cosmo Top 10 list. What's your opinion on number five, he bribes-"  
"NO! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO RUIN THE NEXT CHAPTER!"   
"Harvest Goddess! Where did you come from? Quick, Popuri, let's get down in worship-"  
"Nay, thee may rise. I only am here to prevent spoilers. Adieu."  
"Did the Goddess just disappear?"   
"Yes, Poppy, she disappeared. Now, OUT!"  
"I'm not leaving!"  
"Yes, you are!"  
"No!  
"Yes!"  
"No!"   
"It's my ------- house!"  
"So?"  
"Just… go."   
"Why?"  
"BECAUSE!"


	5. The Apples Spilled

Chapter Five: A Helluva lot more apples, or "Whaddya mean, it was a scam?" 

Things had been going well over the past week. Chelsea and Won were rumored to be an Item. This was actively denied by both parties in the same way Mary denies that she is in love with Gray, who likes Claire, in Raindrops- after a few minutes, they sigh, "Is it that obvious?"  
From either perspective, things were going well. That is, until...  
"Oh, crud, the apples!" Won was sitting in the middle of about sixty-two apples, Zack looking confused as he stood aside.  
"What if somebody figures out that I don't which is which?"  
"You DON'T?" Won turned around as creepy music played. It was...  
it was... ... ... ...   
Chelsea, with tears in her eyes!  
"You mean the apples aren't special?"  
"Um, I never said that..."   
"Okay, prove it to me."  
"How?"  
"I know!" Chelsea picked up three apples and put them behind her back.  
"Which one..." She took out an apple, "Is this?"  
"Eh... that's a Super Ultra Delicious Good Wonderful Apple!"  
Chelsea shuffled them behind her back.   
"Now what is this one?" She said, pulling out another.   
"That... is obviously an Angel Eternal Pure Fresh Elegant apple!"  
"Flawless logic, except that those were the same apple."  
Oh, shit. Won sweatdropped.  
"Um, take an apple."  
"Don't want one."  
"Is there any way I can keep you from talking?"  
"Maybe?"   
"What is it?"  
"I don't know, one hundred th-" Chelsea's innocent remark was suddenly interupted by the fact that Won had kissed her.  
"C'mon..." The Harvest Goddess whined to the audience.  
"I just wanted some fluff..."   
Won had never kissed a girl, except during his senior year, when he'd made out with that hot freshman, Lillia...  
But that's a different story.  
Anyway, Won wasn't good at this, but Chelsea didn't care. In fact, she kept on not caring even after Won had leaned back and sighed,  
"You won't tell, right?"   
Chelsea nodded listlessly.  
"Um, you can leave now..."   
Chelsea just stood there.  
Won sweatdropped. 


	6. The Apple Game

Chapter Six: The Apple Game, or "Great, more filler. But only three chappies after this!"

Things were going well, Chelsea thought. Her eggplant harvest had been great, and she had reaped the profits. The last few remmants of fall were fading away, and the town was privately preparing for Winter, what many thought of as the season of love. There was dinner, mistletoe... But the Goddess had different plans.  
Anyway, today she walked into his shop and saw Won standing there with three apples.  
"Oh, great, do I have to remind you that I know they're all the same apples again..."  
"No, no, this is a game!"  
"If it's some thing where you pretend that you know the difference between the three apples and shuffle them, this gal ain't buying it." Won sweatdropped.  
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW THAT?"  
"Call it Spoilers rule!"  
"Damnit! Anyway, want to play?"  
"Fine..."  
Ten minutes later, Won was staring at Chelsea in shock.  
"No... freaking... way... You beat me TEN TIMES!"  
"I did?"  
"Yeah... Here, take this. A girl like you deserves it..." Won handed her a pretty white flower.  
"Oooh..." She stroked a petal. "Thank you..." She kissed him on the cheek, then slowly walked out of the store, Won captivated by the swing of her hips...


	7. Starry Night

Chapter Seven: Starry Night, or "The Last Filler Chapter!"

Fall had truely become Winter, and snowflakes were falling that very night as Chelsea came back to her house from a day of mining. She opened the door and almost went straight to her bed when suddenly...

Knock, knock.

What was that? Chelsea stood up and opened the door.

"Won? What are you doing here?"

"Um... it's the Starry Night festival..."

"Yeah..."

"I was wondering... Would you like me to make you dinner?"

"Of course!"

So, the pair sat down and ate some lamb, cheese, and an apple pie.

"You know, things are really nice right now."

"Yeah. It could use a plot twist..."

As if on cue, the door opened and in stepped...

Chelsea's dog, Kaci.

"Good Kaci... GO AWAY!" The dog went away.


	8. Proposal, or plagarizing Rhi's

Chapter Eight: In which "A Lucrative and Beneficial Alliance" is mildly plagarized with Rhianwen's permission

Time passed. Cherry blossoms bloomed. The season changed, and Spring was in the Air.

Also in the air was Chelsea, positively skipping along to the beach. The wives whispered, speculating the reason for her joy.

"But she's so lonely, perhaps she's found the man of her dreams?"

"Yes, I know, it reminds me of the time that Duke proposed to me! Oh, he was absolutely bouncing to the winery the day he gave me the feather..."

"I know for a fact that Jeff sold it to her yesterday!"

"He DID?"

"I should know, he's my husband..."

So, speculations. Yeah.

Anyway, now Chelsea was standing bravely in front of Won's counter.

"Well, whaddya want today?"

"..." There was a long pause. Then...

Chelsea did the stupid blue feather animation! She just stood there for a moment, frozenly holding the feather in her hand. And then...

"Oh, how much do you want for that? 5000G?"

Chelsea just stood there for a moment, fighting back tears. Then she flung the feather groundward and ran off. Won stared after her.

"Was it something I said?"

Later that night, just before he went to sleep, Won noticed the feather on the floor. It was, he thought, a very beautiful feather. And he knew just the woman who deserved it...

And now the story ends back where it started; Chelsea's doorstep. Won was standing there impatiently in the morning when Chelsea opened the door.

"What are you doing here?" She looks at him, eyes red and puffy.

"I have come today to sell you another of my amazing wares!"

"Great, is it another one of those godamned apples? You know as well as I that they're all the same."

"No, it's not the apples..."

"So what the hell is it, then?"

"..."

"Well?"

Another pause. Then... Won did the tacky feather animation!

"I'm offering this for only 1000G!" Silence.

"You know I'm not going to pay that, right?"

"Yeah..." And then suddenly the sun was setting and cherry blossoms and feathers were fallig and everything turned pink, as the couple kissed. Oh, and everybody said, "Aaaw..."


	9. Appleogue

Epilogue

All in all, it was a nice wedding.

Yeah, they had to drag Carrie, Rick and Karen's daughter that had appeared from the future, out of the punch more than once.

Yeah, it was difficult controlling the Lorraine and Luke fluff, despite them both being from Carrie's time period and being non-compatible in this universe since Lorraine was the daughter of Claire and Cliff.

Yeah, the "Spin the Bottle of Love Potion #7" game got out of hand.

Regardless, the wedding was really adorable with Chelsea in an adorably long wedding gown and Won in a tuxedo.

And, thirty years later, a young woman with a long dark braid and clear blue eyes wiped her eyes with a handkerchief as she looked at the double-gravestone saying,

"A Conman, and a Farmer

In Honor of True Love.

Rest In Peace."


End file.
